why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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