i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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