I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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