Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
