Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
