'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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