areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
