yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.