i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed