haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i have two assholes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
