its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
