It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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