I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED