Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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