I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
