What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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