I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
