Pappa wants mamma naked
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
