So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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