There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
