My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
