Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
