If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
