Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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