Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
