Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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