dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
