Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Panties = found
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
