she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
