lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
