We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't notice because vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
