He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
