oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
