Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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