so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
