I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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