Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
