Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it was like eating out sand paper
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
