Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
