I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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