she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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