Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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