Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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