i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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