Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
