yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
