my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
