i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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