We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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