Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
