i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
