I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
