dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
