"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
