You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
