god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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