I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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