Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
