i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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