My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
