I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
