need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
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I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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