Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
