the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
