So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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