They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
