yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
