if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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