you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
