Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
