In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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