She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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