just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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