problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A+ Viking dick
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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