Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
MIDGETS
????
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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