You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
