I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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