His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
