I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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