I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
