I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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