I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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