Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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