You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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