you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
