If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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