I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
