i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
