I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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