im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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