I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
