I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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