I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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