I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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